It’s often said that you may lose yourself in motherhood. The first three months, they say, are the hardest—when a mother is birthed alongside her child. You prepare, you read, you imagine what it’s going to be like, but nothing truly equips you for those moments. Slowly, you find your footing, discovering who you are as a mother. 

For me, this journey took a more unexpected turn. When my husband passed away, I wasn’t just becoming a new mom—I became a young widow and a single mother to my son, Daryll. I didn’t sign up for this. I never imagined navigating motherhood alone, especially not when I thought I’d have a partner by my side. But life doesn’t ask for permission before it changes everything. 

When he died, my heart was heavy with a question that wouldn’t go away: How will I possibly raise my son alone? He was only seven years old, and I had to suddenly take on the roles of both mom and dad. It felt like an impossible task, especially when I was just trying to survive each day. 

Letting Go of the “Shoulds” 

I’ve learned the hard way to let go of the “shoulds.” 

I should be able to do it all—laundry, a clean house, playtime, cooking dinner, staying composed. I should be a “Supermom.” But I’ve realized something: being a mom is not about meeting every expectation perfectly. It’s about showing up, even when you feel completely inadequate. It’s about doing the best you can, one day at a time. 

Grief and motherhood threw me into the deep end. The emotional fog, the pain, the overwhelming sense of responsibility—I wasn’t ready. But then again, who ever is? And yet, here I am. 

Becoming a New Version of Myself 

Somewhere in the chaos, I started finding strength I didn’t know I had. I began becoming a new version of myself—one forged by both pain and love. Each day, I discover more joy with my son. Daryll, with his unwavering love and tender heart, gives me purpose. 

In the midst of the grief and the struggles, I’ve learned to live while feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. But through it all, I’ve found that this journey—no matter how challenging—has given me the most rewarding opportunity of all: raising my son. 

The Opportunity of a Lifetime 

Motherhood has been the hardest experience of my life, but it’s also been the most rewarding. Through it all, I’ve been given the incredible opportunity to raise an extraordinary little human. Despite the grief, the exhaustion, and the challenges, I feel so lucky to be Daryll’s mom. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that motherhood and grief can coexist. They shape you, change you, and force you to grow in ways you never expected. But they also show you the depths of your strength and the beauty of unconditional love. 

This journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s mine—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

#ModernMommaPh